FaMiLy iS eVerYtHiNg!

Families can be manipulative as heck. I hate it when people blindly preach "FaMiLy iS EvErYthINg, nO MaTtEr wHaT!". Please, just stop. Families can be just as toxic as any other relationship. Blood doesn't mean smack if someone is constantly making you feel guilty for existing or in general treats you badly. The worst is when dysfunctional families have a tendency to push their agenda's on their children through a casual manipulative game of 'win my approval and affection, or else'

 Being accepted is the only way you can establish a somewhat form of communication within such families. The moment the mold that was handcrafted by your parents -filled with hope and expectations of a future white-collar job- doesn't fit, you automatically become the family's black sheep. Your ability to fit that mold determines how much attention and 'affection' you receive. As long as the exterior that you exude matches their set standards, you'll be golden in their eyes. It's a shallow form of a family dynamic but it's a sad reality for most of us. It's a perpetuated culture of children being seen but never truly heard. The fact that some families can treat their children as expendable over something as petty as sexual orientation or a future career path is an excellent display of our culture's overemphasis on social stature, how we care so much about what people think and those around us. Life's too short to be focused on such trivial matters. I feel that social status is such a huge factor amongst families and an even greater manipulative influence within Kenyan society. It determines the amount of respect and power that can be elicited from one's environment. It says a lot about the values that we uphold. Power, money, and greed are what fuel this society of kneeling before big-bellied politicians, has seeped its corrupt ways into its principle foundation structure, families. It's all fair game, considering such vices feature in most of our media consumption, it was only a matter of time that the exterior met the interior.

If it's so toxic then why not take the front door and leave? It's a lot more complicated than that. We are capable of tolerating so much. Too much if you ask me, to the point where we've generated a numbed youth that just doesn't bother. It all seems pointless until you can actually define yourself as free and independent. But at the age of eighteen, in Kenya, you're still pretty dependent on your family for a lot of things. This isn't a typical American teen situation whereby you can work at your local McDonalds or retail store and save up, and not everyone receives an allowance. I was fortunate enough to be employed at the age of sixteen (I'm still not sure if that was legal) but in most cases,  the extent to which a minor can actually earn a killing is through making a business and even that requires more time and money than most would have available.



There is so much emphasis on this image that parents create for their children. One mess up could lead to total estrangement. Apart from being financially cut off (and what little freedom you have stripped), there's the risk of being seen as a burden. The moment you lose your worth you become a liability and trust me they'll make sure to rub it in your face. The cards are in their favor, and the weapon of choice, emotional abuse as leverage. A way of shunning until you concede to what they deem 'appropriate'. It's sickening. However,  I like to think of this as a reminder. A reminder of where you come from. It's motivation to move forward and to never fall back, in fear of finding yourself back in a situation of powerlessness and dysfunction. If you don't define yourself as a person other people will do it for you. It's a scary experience, especially when you've grown up in an environment that discourages individualism. It takes time to be okay with your own thoughts and opinions; to realize that your voice does matter.

It's fine if people put more value into their social appeal. They simply chose what they thought was more important to them, now it's up to you to do the same, or you can sit still and look pretty, whichever works best.

Stay blessed.